Saturday, November 14, 2009

Screw You Universe

So, The Husband is hunting. What does that mean? Well, other than saying an extra prayer that the Special Doe-lympics are being held in another part of Texas so the "cooler of death" will remain extra storage for old baby clothes? Well, that and, The Husband has flown his mom in to hang out with me and The Baby. Let me tell you, The Mother In Law is super great. She loves to read books and talk them to death (as do I), and hold The Baby (which means shopping and a mani for me). She is also so low maintenance, I truly believed her when she told me the peanut butter sandwich she made from the heel of a crusty bread was "a great lunch". She also has zero judgement when it is, say, 2 in the afternoon and we are still in our jammies.

So, since I know I have a seasoned grandma in house, that also happens to have a slight case of insomnia, I am sure that I will be able to sleep in while she gets up for the morning feeding. Not that my Mam wouldn't, but I can bet that The Mother In Law is already up reading in the next room and drinking her zillionth Dr. Pepper.

So, imagine my utter shock, and immediate anger, when I awake at a very early 7 am to my head seriously pounding. Was it the fact that the night before The Husband and I had a date and I decided to consume all the Cosmos? Usually a safe bet. But today? Nope.

At first, I actually think the dog is having a dog-mare and that explains the horrible twitching rocking the bed. Nope.

I then thought that the pounding in my ears was simply The Husband thinking that watching Point Break while we fell asleep was a good idea. Uh-uh. But, for what it is worth, Point Break is really never a good idea. Although I have actually heard of lifelong friendships actually ending because one friend named their dog "Bodie" when clearly the other friend called it.

So I pour myself out of bed (what did you think I was going to say??) and follow the noise. It is outside my door. Now, let me tell you, we live in a town home that has a layout like a New York as I look down my front stairs to the street and what do I see??

At 7 o'clock in the freaking morning?

On the day I have baby care and can not only sleep off the box of wine I drank, but also stay in bed and watch re-runs of ER???

On the same day that, evidently, the Universe is about to end, because a Mexican construction worker decided not to hang out under a tree for an extra hour and actually start their job early?

So there is Paco....with a mother f#&$!%# jackhammer. (And I can't handle the "Jean, why do yooou have to taaalk with such a dirty mouth" talk from my Mam, so pardon the fill-ins).

Yeah. Just going at it. It is so early, my dogs are even a little ticked off.

And to top it all off....I finally watched The Proposal....and it was so bad.

Like, really bad. All the Franzia in all the land could not pull it our of it's pit of humorless predictability.

In fact, please do not tell me if you liked it because I just might rethink our friendship.

So the score stands.

Universe: 1
Jane: 0

1 comment:

  1. Okay. So please never travel with me. For like 4 consecutive trips (INCLUDING PARIS). two things followed me and took up residence outside of my hotel rooms: a jackhammer and what I believe to be (although unconfirmed) a cement mixer filled with bricks, and both began their work around 7AM. Did I mention I was on vacation? The only person who should be awake at 7AM when I am on vacation is the fiancee. I need my goddamned beauty sleep.

    And no worries, I refuse to watch The Proposal. But (as previously mentioned), I love both Baby Mama and Just Friends.