Thursday, November 12, 2009

For Sale...Or Trade

For Sale or Trade:

**Chocolate Lab, Male

**Aged 7 years
(I guarantee he is cheaper than scotch....unless you are an alcoholic.....and your drink of choice is Macallan 30 year.)

**Fixed. Correction: Neutered
(He hasn't humped anything in years)

(Kinda, but will probably eat his own poo, so it is the same, right??)

**Built in Security System
(This dog will bark at anything. Your home will be totally protected. There is no way anyone, or anything, will infiltrate your home when he is on the clock. He is so overprotective, he has been known to bark at nothing. See? He was just thinking there might be something there.)

**Good Eater
(He will eat anything. In fact, if you have any other animals, he will pick up after them too. He doesn't discriminate. He will eat any other dogs poop, no question asked.)

(He will fetch for hours....and hours...and hours...and hours. He is so dedicated, The Husband and I were worried that he had over worked himself because he was limping after playing really hard one afternoon. Not so. Turns out, he had been fetching for 9 hours straight and was just a little sore. We cut him some slack.)

(Please refer to "Housebroken")

(If there were any sort of apocalyptic ice age, you could totally skin him up and either keep yourself warm, or sell him on the black market for some gruel.)

If you make me an offer, I will even include a box of personal effects that include some Christmas ornaments, stocking and Halloween costumes of Robin (of Batman and Robin, naturally) and a rooster.

We really didn't think it would come to this. Charlie had so much hope in the beginning. Even with the poop eating, and the constant blank look in his eyes, we thought there was a glimmer of something. But, when he decided to stare me down, and pee in front of The Baby's crib, infecting the imported silk crib skirt, painstakingly maid by moi (and actually, it was quite easy to sew, but whatever), I just knew something was amiss. Too bad.**

**By the way, all you animal lovers, I am totally kidding. Unless your offer is good enough, that is. Waaaaa?


  1. Just drop him off at the dog park and leave.

  2. Tommy thought you were serious. He wanted to take him in. We heart Charlie. Or, if you are trying to be super anonymous, we heart The Chocolate Dog.