Sunday, September 27, 2009

Uh, Oh. We Are All Doomed

This blog may be looking a little different to you, my 17 followers.....and although I think the template change will not really matter to any of you, there is one person that I know when they see the change they will immediately cringe with true horror.

And here is why....

So my Mam has many, many wonderful qualities. She is kind and caring and hilarious. Seriously, my family would sit around and actually cackle at this or that. Usually there was a target:

Like my Dad and his Boy Scout Camping trip with my brother that he refers to as "worse than going to Vietnam"...

Or that my brother, who once walked in on the rest-home version of a Baptist Gospel Hymn He Touched Me, and my dad thought his uncomfortable reaction was so hilarious, he had the bakers at Albertson's put it on my brother's birthday cake....

Or the ever running joke that I once thought that Sigourney Weaver was a host on SNL and have never heard the end of it. But it was all in good fun.

Enter my Mam... and her CRAZY superstitious. She is, as she will herself admit, well, freakishly superstitious. Like...bad. Worse than a freshman their first week of college.

I mean, sadly so. This goes beyond your standard "hold a button when a hearse drives by" or "Friday 13th". Beginner stuff, she would say.

Like how she is totally convinced that it she doesn't forward on any email about "wishes coming true" or how she needs to send the email to a certain number of people to "send on good fortune" she is ultimately doomed.

Like when she told me that I wasn't allowed to leave my shoes in the table because "I will never get married"....mind you, this I was already married...for 3 years.

Like how she totally gives me hard time to make sure that I have eaten black eyed peas on New Year's Day, a normal rite of passage for most people. But my Mam, takes it to 11. She also thinks we should have herring in addition to the black eyed peas. I guess it is a Russian thing? I say this because my other relatives (who are equally sentimental and superstitious have never, ever heard of this little "herring situation".)

For those of you who may not know, which I hope is ALL of you....

Herring is a fish.....that is served in a a mayonnaise sauce....

Or like how she thinks butterflies or polka dots are bad luck. Granted, I will give her that I was in a serious car accident while I was wearing a polka dotted outfit. OK, so I was actually hit, and then run over by a car while wearing said outfit...but that was over 23 years ago! Isn't it time we forgave the polka dots?? Back me up, here people.

Which leads me to this point...

I can hear her now...

"Uh, Jane, I saw yur blag....and...uh, do you knooow that there are palka daats? Yoou know how I feel about the palka daats."

And, she is in denial that she even has an accent, and she will never admit that she still carries around even the slightest hint of her northern accent...even if she has been living in Oklahoma for almost 35 years. It takes a good ear to pick up that she sounds a little bit like Cartman from South Park. But it is all a good thing. It is endearing and all that....

Having said that......

I happen to like the "polka dot template" blogspot suggested, and I thought it would be a good update to my "blag". What can I say?? While watching The Goonies, I thought I should spice things up.

However, there were not any black cats that crossed my path, it isn't Friday, or any sort of 13, but I can guarantee that my Mam is going to bed thinking I am totally doomed.


  1. I have never had herring. But I have had gefilte fish. Per wikipedia they are "poached fish patties or fish balls made from a mixture of ground deboned fish, mostly carp or pike. They are popular in the Ashkenazi Jewish community." I had them several times in my Jewish phase (that S finally squashed a year or so ago...) so now it is unlikely that I will participate in any sort of fish from a can or jar tradition ever again.

    Also, who set the rules that children could not live in cages? They can't fall in the pool if they are locked up, can they?

  2. Love the new look of your blag. ; ) I can just hear your mam now! BTW, I never knew palka dots were bad luck for you. See, good thing you are blogging.

  3. well I enjoy your dots. Who knew about bad luck. Please ask about stripes.

  4. You realize you are going to hell. That is, you are not passing go, buying Baltic, collecting $200, etc... Will the polka dots send Mam into convulsions?