Thursday, September 10, 2009

The First One?

So, I have been told "by some" that I may be hilarious and that I should start blogging. And, even though I will say that I don't believe that anyone cares (or will read) about what I will mention in this little blog, here I go.

But, first, I must mention a little ditty. It goes something like this.....

I call it......First Grade Spelling Bee.

So, this is my main reason for not wanting to blog. I am a horrible speller and the proper rules if grammar are even further behind than post partum weight loss. So picture this, I am in first grade, roughly 6 years old and the class spelling bee rolls around. I mop it up like the floor at a peep show. So, I advance on to the grade-wide level spelling bee and given my special spelling bee list. I take it home, and I am not going to lie...I rock the shit out of it. With a couple teeny, tiny exceptions.



I am not joking. These two words are the constant running joke, even now, that my dad lourves to bring up all of the live long day. Not in a bad way, mind you...more in a "We bought you a new dress for this" kind of way.

So, I am practicing the list and I am showing it who is boss and all that. But, I just keep getting stuck on "where" and "were". Meanwhile, my grandmother who, let's be honest is not my biggest fan (not that I am a giant jerk store, but that is another post.), has decided to drive up from her old people haven to watch me. Can you say pressure cooker??

So I am sitting up there in my sweet little dress with perfect posture and and freshly washed hair (another story for another time) waiting my turn. I know every.single.word. on that damn list and I am more amped than a kid on a Gogurt high.

First Round. (awesome, these kids are going to eat my dust......big spelling trophy here I come).

This is where I envision myself being the spelling bee hero of the day. I am totally and completely the up and coming Benson that is just, well, the best one. My grandma is going to take to take me to Long Neckers for cheeseburgers and tell me how smart I am and how she always liked me and she knew I was so smart and on and on and on.

Kid One: Word- I (really??)
Kid Two: Word- Me (piece of cake)
Kid Three: Word- The (get out!)
Kid Four: Word- Am (child's play)
Kid Five: Word- And (Do you have any idea where this is going?)
Kid Six: Word- Some (Ok, now I am getting nervous, but this will be great?????)
Kid Seven (AKA Me): Word-Where

Are.You.Freaking.Kidding.Me?? Score one for the universe.

I will say that my grandma drove straight home that night and our relationship was never the same. I will say that we did still go to Long Neckers and it was awesome.

Ok, so that is the deep seeded reason that I am afraid to blog. Not that nobody will read it (and I don't expect this to be all James Earl Jones from Field of Dreams. You know, "Blog it and they will come" but there are going to be typos and spelling errors (obviously) and, well, just all sorts of stuff wrong. But, deal.


  1. You have no idea. You have made my century. I am still cracking up and I read this on my phone and had to go to my real computer to login and comment. Your mam is going to be so proud ; )!

  2. Katie sent me a link to your blog and I am so excited you are blogging! You are too funny! Can't wait to read future posts :-)

  3. Grossest analogy ever = I mop it up like the floor at a peep show.

    Don't worry. Grammar and spelling are my specialties (even if I don't have a new dress to prove it). I will make sure to call you on each and every one of your errors until you have been shamed into getting it right. Sounds fair, yes?

    And if it makes you feel better, my grandmother hates me. And one year on my birthday I yelled at her.

  4. I am SUPER happy you have joined the blogosphere!!

  5. JJB123---I too am super happy you are an official blogger. Now there is a legit way to keep track of your hilarious metaphors!!

  6. Found you via Katie and love your writing style!! Glad to have another great read. :)

  7. Yay!! Janie Im so excited you started blogging!