Ladies, you know what I am talking about. You will know, sure as I know now, and I hope you cringe and hide under your covers just the same as I am....Solo cup full of Franzia and all.
When we are little girls, we grow up admiring, but vowing to be anything BUT our mothers. When they don't give us the Barbie Doll we want, or tell us to "keep the bedroom door open", we swear that we won't be like that. We promise, then and there, to be a friend to our daughter, and not embarrass her the same way we were when our mom asked if the new friend we just met was "fast"...and not referring to the track team.
As we grow and mature, we not only don't want to become our mothers, we just don't want to get old. Plain and simple. But slowly.....
Slowly and surely.....
One day, you walk into Abercromie & Fitch and wonder why it has to be so damn loud.
One day, you wonder how girls today can wear such short skirts without getting an infection when they sit down.
One day, you wonder if those girls at the mall know if their thong is showing (it is, by the way....so says the disrespectful girl in the sorority letters who, if her house knew she was being that kind of representative they would sooooo fine her).
But, those are things that can get dismissed with age, right? Right!?!?
Until, you hear yourself ask the girl at the mall if she knows her underwear is showing. (Honestly, it is STICKING out of her PANTS! Not only can that not be comfortable, but leave a little to the imagination.)
Until, you realize girls today should leave things to the imagination. (Shit.)
Until, you realize the music isn't that loud.....You just can't hear as well. (Oh, Sweet Lord)
Until, you go and get yourself tested for Swine Flu because you have a cough. (But, hey, you have a baby, you are just being a responsible adult. There is nothing wrong with being a good parent. I, I mean, "you" are just being a proactive mom).
Until, you tuck your shirt into your underwear.....you know, because it makes it stay down better.
Hello, I am My Mother.
Nice to meet you.