You Serious, Clark?

So, I have had it, people. I have had.it.

It is about this "Arctic Blast" thing. I mean, come on!

For like, two days, I have seen people absolutely obsess about it like it is the second coming and I have to admit.......just.don't.get.it!!! But it isn't just that I don't get it, but with every passing second, I am convinced that the people who are that obsessed with it are short every sandwich from the picnic basket...not just a couple.

Wanna know why??? Cause I live in Houston, people!!

Houston, as in Texas.

Houston, as in Hotter-Than-The-Surface-of-the-Sun-in-July, Houston.

Houston, as in , Thinking-About-It-This-Very-Second-Makes-My-Hair-Curl-in-Fear-of-the-Returning-Humidity-in-Five-Months, Houston.

So why does this make me so mad, you may be thinking? Well, since most of you are actually hanging out in an actual blizzard, this is why. Because for the last two days, I have been hearing the weatherman talk about how "we shouldn't get out unless it is totally necessary", or how the "morning commute is going to be pretty dangerous" because.....

Wait for it......

Wait for it......

Because we "might get 1-3 inches of snow"....yeah, please re-read this.

Yeah, since we **might** get more snow on the ground than there is dog hair accumulated on my floor at any given time, we should be heading to the grocery store and stocking up on Ensure and peanut butter.

And, because of the inclement weather approaching, schools went ahead and let out early today even though the weather guy, who looks freakishly like the kid from The Christmas Story (but isn't cause I already IMDB'ed him) said it wasn't coming in until midnight. So, yeah, letting kids out at 1pm makes total sense. Don't worry about them though, cause they have cancelled school for tomorrow....just in case. It is all about the kids, you know.

Then there are the "In the Street" interviews the news did of the parents picking up their kids early from schools. One concerned parent was talking about how they are playing it safe and going straight home because they "have never driven in such weather"......What does that even mean? "Never driven in such weather?? " What?? You have never driven in AIR?

What is worse, is that I think I am in the total minority. Examples. Today in my bible study, my discussion leader even thanked us for braving the weather to be there. Whaaaa? I'm not even in my heavy coat! And this was after Alex's Mother's Day Out teacher was stressed about making it through the class "because, well, you know, the weather is so awful".

Am I missing something!?!?!? It's called "seeing your breath in the air, people! Fake smoke or something and relax!" It isn't even the cold weather equivalent of checking on old people who live alone in fear they froze to their couch. It is in the 30's, here people!

So while the city is falling on it's knees, scrounging for food, propane, and probably a few of those all-weather shiny blankets that save your life if you are ever left in a car outside in the elements; there has not been one drop, mist, cloudy sky that even seems to have the idea of forming any form of precipitation. Somewhere, I feel Gary England is dying a little inside.

Dig This

So....a pal told me that if I have time to comment on her blog, then I should have time to update mine. Touche, Leigh. **and please insert 'air-internet-cheersing' here**. I mean, it's only been three months. Whaaaa?

So, the new year is just around the corner and I have to tell you that I couldn't be happier. I mean, I am so over 2010. Like, o.ver.it. Let's face it 2010, you sucked. You chewed me up and spat me out like a bad wine after finishing the last vineyard on your tour of Napa. And that's bad, cause let's face it, by the last tour, you would drink fermented prison booze with gusto sold by a hobo on the side of the street. Maybe even pose with him for a picture a la party pic style after.

However, I have high hopes for 2011. I was even talking with Tam over Christmas that we are totally going to feed our kiddos herring for good luck because that is what you do when you are from Russian/Greek lineage? I only add the question mark because half of my northern relatives had never heard of that little tradition of chowing down on smelly fish doused in fish-mayonaise, which makes me completely doubt it's potency of luck. But whatevs-Alex better looooooove it cause I am smearing that stuff in his hourly peanut butter sandwich all the live long day. So that should ensure our good fortune for sure.

I am also thinking that I should adopt any tradition that I can, just to really hedge my bets. So, if anyone (cue the echo: anyone) is reading (echo: reading) this and has any New Year's Day tradition (echo: tradition, tradition, tradition), let me know, I need all the help I can get. So, comment away, my happiness and fate is in your hands.

My God, my mam would be so proud to think I am turning to superstition for luck. But God help me if I get any of those "send this to eleventy billion people and your wish comes true emails" heads will roll. With that, I need a drink.

And Scene......

And this people......this.....is the essence of how hilarious my family is.

Posted this morning, by Tam:

Anonymous said...

You know what is great about those particular Aunt suggestions? Thinking about other things that could have been suggested in the same context and seemed as reasonable. Par example:
Aunt: "Oh, Jane, you know what your Mam needs to do?"
Jane: ""What? Donate some of the flowers?"
A: "No, BURN DOWN HER HOUSE FOR THE INSURANCE MONEY. I am going to go and tell her that."
Or
"No, DEDICATE HER LIFE TO GETTING ON THE PRICE IS RIGHT. I am going to go and tell her that."
Or
"No, GET A TATTOO OF JERRY'S FACE ON HER OWN FACE SO SHE SEES HIM EVERY TIME SHE LOOKS IN THE MIRROR. I am going to go and tell her that."
Or
"No, LEARN TO DRIVE A STICK SHIFT. I am going to go and tell her that."
Or
"No, TAKE PITBULLS INTO NURSING HOMES I am going to go and tell her that."

- Dear Sweet Brother

Slow clap, Tam. Slow clap.

Family Circle

So my brother and sister in law are the proud parents of a beautiful, amazing baby girl who is smart and gifted and actually opened for Conan the other night. You should have seen her. She rocked it. Their precious bundle is about 4 months younger than our itty bitty baby. And, my brother and I have had so much fun talking babies and pregnancies and all things about our lives to come being parents.

Honestly, Tam, as I call him in my Mam voice, is good people. Instead of "should-coulda's" I have "wishes and wants"....

Like I wish I was as funny as he is. He is hysterical. People have actually lost bodily control when around him. I am not just missing the math or spelling gene from my family pool, I am also missing the humor gene. I once thought of going on a humor mission trip, but they didn't have Franzia there, so I was out.

I also wish we lived closer. He is in Kentucky. I am in H-Town. Bad times. It is hard to kick ass at a game of spades when you live, roughly, 20 hours away. Or, it is hard to recount that time when we had a few cocktails (AKA: 97 solo cups of keg beer) at Dave Simpson's house and then tow' da goal posts down after whooping the Sooners. One of the best days ever, BTW. (Tam, 'member when we tow' da goal posts down?? You don't want to say it in your office, but you soooooo do).

Another, is that I want his daughter, Annie to know how much her Aunt Jane loves her. Not just when she is 13 and shopping for her first bikini or when she wants to "try" some Wild Island flavored Boones....but all the time.

However.....

In talking with Tam I have become increasingly more neurotic about being a parent. See, Tam was a better parent than me when I was still pregnant, and they still had a long way to go. One thing he is fearful of, as most parents are, is SIDS. I have found myself checking on The Wee One much more frequently since Annie's arrival-I guess my senses are heightened too. So, I check The Hammer (oh, that is his UFC name) all the time to make sure he is still good.
But, all this parenting has made me think about my own Mam. What she must have been thinking. Her parenting ideas, the way she wanted to do things....

And in all of this I realized.....

When she would sneak into my room at night when I was a teenager and feel my feet? She wasn't checking to make sure that I hadn't stuffed my bed with some pillows and snuck out my window...she was making sure I wasn't a victim of SIDS.

Sure I was 15, but can you ever be too sure?

Good Mam.