Thursday, February 3, 2011

You Serious, Clark?

So, I have had it, people. I have

It is about this "Arctic Blast" thing. I mean, come on!

For like, two days, I have seen people absolutely obsess about it like it is the second coming and I have to admit.......just.don'!!! But it isn't just that I don't get it, but with every passing second, I am convinced that the people who are that obsessed with it are short every sandwich from the picnic basket...not just a couple.

Wanna know why??? Cause I live in Houston, people!!

Houston, as in Texas.

Houston, as in Hotter-Than-The-Surface-of-the-Sun-in-July, Houston.

Houston, as in , Thinking-About-It-This-Very-Second-Makes-My-Hair-Curl-in-Fear-of-the-Returning-Humidity-in-Five-Months, Houston.

So why does this make me so mad, you may be thinking? Well, since most of you are actually hanging out in an actual blizzard, this is why. Because for the last two days, I have been hearing the weatherman talk about how "we shouldn't get out unless it is totally necessary", or how the "morning commute is going to be pretty dangerous" because.....

Wait for it......

Wait for it......

Because we "might get 1-3 inches of snow"....yeah, please re-read this.

Yeah, since we **might** get more snow on the ground than there is dog hair accumulated on my floor at any given time, we should be heading to the grocery store and stocking up on Ensure and peanut butter.

And, because of the inclement weather approaching, schools went ahead and let out early today even though the weather guy, who looks freakishly like the kid from The Christmas Story (but isn't cause I already IMDB'ed him) said it wasn't coming in until midnight. So, yeah, letting kids out at 1pm makes total sense. Don't worry about them though, cause they have cancelled school for tomorrow....just in case. It is all about the kids, you know.

Then there are the "In the Street" interviews the news did of the parents picking up their kids early from schools. One concerned parent was talking about how they are playing it safe and going straight home because they "have never driven in such weather"......What does that even mean? "Never driven in such weather?? " What?? You have never driven in AIR?

What is worse, is that I think I am in the total minority. Examples. Today in my bible study, my discussion leader even thanked us for braving the weather to be there. Whaaaa? I'm not even in my heavy coat! And this was after Alex's Mother's Day Out teacher was stressed about making it through the class "because, well, you know, the weather is so awful".

Am I missing something!?!?!? It's called "seeing your breath in the air, people! Fake smoke or something and relax!" It isn't even the cold weather equivalent of checking on old people who live alone in fear they froze to their couch. It is in the 30's, here people!

So while the city is falling on it's knees, scrounging for food, propane, and probably a few of those all-weather shiny blankets that save your life if you are ever left in a car outside in the elements; there has not been one drop, mist, cloudy sky that even seems to have the idea of forming any form of precipitation. Somewhere, I feel Gary England is dying a little inside.


  1. Oh, Jane. Look at the bright side. Think of all the clothes in your closet you have haven't had the opportunity to wear since you moved! :)

    Coming from someone who took 6 hours to shovel her driveway today, 1-3 inches sounds pretty horrible.

    Miss you!!!

  2. "You have never driven in AIR?" - I'm going to be laughing about that one all day. - tam

  3. Buahhhhhaaaahhh!! Stupid, stupid Texans. No offense to you personally. Or anyone else I know in Texas... but this is hilarious. You should go to the grocery store and freak everyone out by clearing the shelves of toilet paper and boxed wine. I guarantee a couple of blue hairs will start following you around to see what you're up to before filling their own carts with Metamucil and frozen peas.

  4. This is so funny. My company's corporate head quarters are in Houston and last year they closed the office and sent pictures of the terrible snow...a mere dusting! I'm not sure what they would do if they had to deal with a foot!

  5. Hilarious! Grace's daycare has already closed 5 days this year; but then weather in Kansas City is a little worse than weather in Houston. We have had 29 inches of snow already!

  6. Hey! Now! Remember that once upon a time, we worked in a place that ANY reason to leave early, come in late or not show at all, was WELCOME?? THAT, my dear, is why I personally freaked over the weather in February. It was a cry for some serenity and quarantine!! :) --you know who I am