Wednesday, May 11, 2011

An Open Letter

Dear Lady Who Stopped Me In the Parking Garage At the Galleria,

Hi. It's me.

So, first I should say "thanks". You were flattering, really. I mean, when I am walking by someone in the parking garage and they attempt to ask me for something, my first instinct is to garble out some nonsense words that end in 'o' (you know, so don't sound like I am cold hearted, but just way fluent in spanish) and keep walking to my car clutching my Auntie Anne's pretzel a little tighter.

But seemed different. Yes, it is a big city, but who starts to beg in the garage under Neimen's at 11 am? And you seemed younger and I could actually see your feet and you weren't carrying any sort of baggage with you. All strong points. But when you stopped, and covered your phone, halting your conversation, I just figured you were lost. So as long as you didn't need to know how to make a shank out of food court cutlery, then I could do my part.

But here is where you went tragically wrong. Look, I know you are a career person, so I will get to the chase because I am sure you are busy "marketing".

1. Don't ever stop someone in the parking garage and ask "what they do for a living?". It's 11am. I am at the mall. On a Tuesday. I don't do anything.

2. Really not a good idea to follow up the "what do you do?" question by the reinforcing statement that "I look so professional". First, I admit I had just gotten my hairs did by spaghetti arms and was looking spiffy, but the flip-flops should have given it away. And elastic is still elastic, even if it comes from Saks.*

3. I believe I heard you clearly that you work in "marketing" for Mary Kay? And you want to give me your card? So we can have lunch sometime? Just to talk? Cause I look so professional? (If you don't even get this you have way bigger problems that that horrid eyeshadow. Yeah, I did.).

4. This isn't really something you did wrong per se, just something I think you should be aware of since it threw you for a loop at the time. Other people can lie to save ourselves hours and hours of mind-numbing seminars, just as easily as you can lie that you do 'marketing' for Mary Kay. And in case there are any doubts, I don't really sell Arbonne.

Yeah, so thanks for the "I looked cute and stuff". I'm sure the makers of Cheap Flip-Flops will be thrilled at their new professional gain in the foot ware community.

*In all honesty, I didn't look all "fresh-haired". Man, when old Spaghetti Arms finished giving me the fourth conditioning treatment I requested to help reverse the environmental damage, I got up from the chair and walked in to a wall. OK, 'walked' is generous. "Stumbled in to the wall having to grab on to some strange old lady to keep from falling over" is more like it. Judge away. I regret nothing.


  1. Omg!!!! This happened to me too!!! Only at the Gap. And I was told I looked really friendly instead of professional. Luckily I had an easy out... My mil sells mk. Ha!!!!

  2. Thank you! I needed a laugh after a strong, stressful weekend. Aren't you glad that your trials and tribulations make me laugh? well they do so continue blogging about them. Thank. you. your. friend. Leigh.

  3. You're alive!! Thank you to the weird lady who accosted you in the parking lot for bringing you out of your blogging hiatus! :)
    Mary Kay party at my house?? I'll need you to help me figure out my colors and if I'm a Spring or a Fall...

  4. You are just too funny!! You need to blog more often!!
    Love, Katie's Aunt Angie