Gift Ideas

So I have been thinking a while now about something that I know is very important to all of you. I understand that some of you haven't been sleeping too well because of this....I am sorry.

I hear that a few of you have almost gotten into traffic accidents, being so distracted in thought about this very situation. My bad.

It has even been rumored that a slight percentage of you have completely broken down, haven't showered in days and refuse to leave your houses as a result. Well, go throw in a load of laundry and hose yourself off.....because today I have the answer.

What I want for Mother's Day.

I know, pivotal, right?

Well, it hit me today while I was getting my hairs did at the mall.

Go with me on this one.

I am getting my hair all washed and scrubbed by some kid with a lip ring and a red spiky mohawk. Now, even though his arms looked like fleshy spaghetti noodles covered in multicolored tat's, he washed my hair kinda like a genius. He's all blabbing to me about this and that and I can hear his ear cuffs dangling all the way to the change purse that is stuffed in his pocket. Now, I know you are going to say "Jane, it was a wallet." No, if it carries monies and has a strap it is a purse. Simple enough.

Anyway, he is babbling about whatever-I couldn't say because he is all washing my hair and it was wonderful. We all know that it is amazing to get your hair washed right before someone cuts it and this was no different. It was so relaxing I think I accidentally moaned. Ok, maybe I didn't moan, but I am pretty sure I caught myself biting my lip. Twice.

So here is where my grand Mother's Day scheme begins.

Imagine......a pub crawl.....but instead of going from bar to bar to bar; you go from cheesy mall salon to cheesy mall salon only getting your hair washed.

Strike, that. If you are a rookie, first you get a Route 44 cup and a bendy straw then hit the salon circuit.

Now, for all the veteran's out there, you can grab your El Camino of purses, fill 'er up and hit the road. (I learned about this little gem from my brilliant sister-in-law. Shouts, Lisa!)

And as a total sidebar, I have decided that people who wink at you all the time in conversation are creepy. Unless you are Vince Vaughn, I promise you can't get away with it.

Especially YOU, quasi-gay guy at Janie and Jack. I understand you may think that I am an easy target. I have bought enough clothes from you to keep you in skinny jeans for a couple years and it is obvious, since I am buying baby clothes, that I put out....but, ew.

And, Tam, if you are reading this.........

Hope you are WORK-IN for the WEEK-END!!!

USA!!! USA!!! USA!!!

Whaaaaaat?

So, I don't know what happened to my last post. It looks all strange and I don't know what that is all about.

What can I say? I went to my first Junior League meeting and I drank to much.

What?

True Love

While this past Friday marked the anniversary of the September 11th attacks, they also marked the first anniversary of Hurricane Ike. Being that The Husband and I were fairly new to Houston we were totally excited and anxiously awaiting the arrival of our first storm season.

Now, we were used to tornado season and all of that glory. You know when the sky turns a mustard color, you fire up your Webber Grill and get to work. You watch the storm roll in while meeting your neighbors in the front lawn. Good times. There isn't time to prepare, so there isn't that anxious build up.

Not so with hurricanes. There is footage on the hurricane for days and days and days and days. And, unlike living in Oklahoma, there isn't a hurricane drinking game similar to the legendary Gary England Drinking Game. At least that I am aware of....people just consider hurricane drinking, well, drinking. We call that Tuesday at our house. Anyway, people get totally caught up in getting enough bottles of water, generators, batteries and peanut butter that you almost expect to see it being scalped on the corner outside the grocery store.

Well, as the coverage was getting more constant and evacuations of Galveston Island started, my office gave us the afternoon off as well as several days after the storm if we need them. Since I was a hurricane neophyte, I didn't really take into account as to how bad the storm and damage could be. So, when I got off work and people were throwin' bows on isle 13 for the last case of Ozarka, The Husband and I spent that time getting some staples we knew we would need.

When I left the office, I took stock in my priorities and made a detailed list of exactly where I was going to go and what I was going to need. Traffic was horrible with people trying to get gas, and with all the shortages that happened as a result, it was an absolute nightmare getting around.

First stop: Linen's and Things

They were closing a store by my house and I needed a new crock pot. I mean what goes better with "hunkering down to watch a hurricane" than turkey chili?

Second: Pottery Barn

While doing some "research" for necessary hurricane supplies at the office before I left, I found some amazing drapery panels on sale. Better pick them up before they sell out! My thought was, that if I am going to have full access to The Husband for a few days, I am going to put that man to work. My "Honey Do" list was longer than the line waiting for the Jiffy to be restocked.

Third stop: World Market

To pick up the curtain rods, naturally.

Fourth stop: CVS

I decided it would be a good idea to pick up some extra batteries for the cordless drill in case we don't have power-that way there won't be any excuses to not hang the curtains! Feeling so smart and proud of myself for thinking a couple steps ahead, I also got caught up in the mob mentality and thought I should get some candles too. Seeing that all they had left at that point we gaudy rosary candles, I figured they were better than nothing. I mean, I was going to need some additional light-especially since the sun would be blocked out by the new curtains. Although if anyone looks in my bathroom closet, you would think I am a strict Catholic straight from Mexico City...and probably a stripper too because they are covered in glitter. To me that didn't seem to safe, but who am I to correct a glittery Jesus?

The Husband, of course, is running all around the city doing the things you are supposed to in order to prepare yourself for a storm-hit the liquor store.

So, I call him and happen to catch him in line. He is growing frustrated because he had been waiting in line for almost an hour and his arms are tired from carrying the huge stockpile of staples. In his frenzied state, however, he only grabbed me one box of my beloved Franzia Chardonnay.

Sweet, sweet Husband. Sweet, Salt-of-the-Earth Husband. Precious, silly, little Husband.

How could I possibly be stranded inside for days on end with only ONE box? I mean, who can live like that? No air conditioning (granted we will be cooler from the newly added insulation the curtains are providing), no TV, and now no wine spritzers to have with my turkey chili? Telling this to The Husband, I am met with a strong silence on the other end of the phone.

Soooooo.....yeah, we all know how this ended. (How I love that man.)

All in all it was a great hurricane. Real success I think.

Fortunately we only suffered a minor impact from the storm.

His name is Alex.