Wednesday, July 25, 2012

An Open Letter

Dear Lady at the Mall Play Area,


Hello, there.

So, I know that you are hungry. I get that. I get hungry too. See how I am relating to you? But you know what I don't do? That would be take some canned tuna from my house, put it in a tupperware container (letting it get all steamy in my car) and schlep it to the mall only to eat it in the play area while my kid plays.

Look, you have two kids & so do I. Eating an uninterrupted meal is kind of like the Chupacabra; you seriously doubt it's existence all together because it is so rarely documented. But don't you think maybe you should just not? Eat something that smells like rotten grossness? Cause here is the thing; we are at the play area at the mall. It already smells like recess because there a zillion kids running crazy in here because this is a teensy escape from the terrible heat outside. But that should really just heighten your sensitivity since we are all trying not to barf from your putrid tuna smell on top of the fact our kids are playing, barefoot, in a petrie dish for germs. We are already nauseous, we don't need any help.

To be fair, I will give you a pass this time. This time.  Let's face it; every one of us sitting inside of the play area remembers the pre-child promise we made to ourselves that we would 'never let our kids play in that germ-fest', not knowing the need to run some energy out of our kids would trump anything. I think it all stems from the high probability of pooping in front of people during having said children breaks down our list of "I never's"  faster than we Purell our entire body upon leaving the play area.

So let's just take it down a notch. I'll chalk this up as giving you a Mom Warning and be done with it. But, just so you know, if this happens again I'm gonna have to get physical. And by that, I mean I'm going to "accidentally" spill your seafood feast all over the floor when I bump in to you while leaving. And by that, I mean I will probably do nothing but maybe blog about it later. Cause I'm passive-aggressive like that.

Damn it.



  1. Tuna?? Gross!
    I have yet to succumb to the nasty call of the mall play area. This just cements my decision.
    And ps- the chupacabra is REAL.

  2. Are you sure you're not pregnant? Smells really bother me when I'm pregnant. I get to ask this because we're FB friends now, right?!

  3. No, no, no!!!!! This did not happen!!! Dying!!!!! You are so funny and she be paid to tell this. :)

  4. Hi, Jane,
    I just read all of your blogs since Bennett was born. I apologize that I have not been a faithful reader like I should have been, but Katie will tell you that I have had a lot going on in my life!! The tuna blog is hysterical and reminds me of a student teacher that I once had. She would bring a tuna sandwich for lunch every single day, and the smell was sickening to me for the rest of the day!! I finally had to ask her not to bring a tuna sandwich for lunch, or she could eat it in the cafeteria and then brush her teeth.

    The descriptions of your motherhood experiences are so funny, and I'm sure that you are not the only one with these situations - but you're one of the few who is honest enough to tell about it . . . and in a thoroughly entertaining way!!

    Thank you for mentioning me in Katie's blog so that you jogged my memory to read my second favorite blog!! You are a great writer, and I always get some good laughs when I read your stories!!

    Love, Aunt Angie

  5. Umm, yuck. Tuna smells horrible. Gross.

  6. Ew! I would NOT like that smell either.