Saturday, August 14, 2010

Come on 7

So, I am about done with this heat. And I mean d.o.n.e. Alex and I can't get out because it is hotter than the surface of the sun. Not to mention with wind that feels more like a hairdryer blowing on your face, it is miserable.

So, in the spirit of willing cooler temperatures, I reminisce with something that started out beautiful, and ended less than. This is the story of buying our first Family Christmas Tree. And hey, if you don't care that is totally cool. But, I would bet Alex's morning nap (AKA: My Sanity) that you are experiencing a heat wave too, and there are pictures of snow involved. That is basically as good as standing in front of your fridge.

So, go ahead and do the Wayne's World thing cause I know you are old enough to remember it and travel with me back to a simpler time.....

I had this great idea the other day.

Luke and I were going to take Alex and get our, first ever Family Christmas tree. It was gong to be perfect and wonderful and a crew from Hallmark was actually going to come a film us as we looked so cozy and Rockwell-esque.

Then, against all odds.....a freak episode happened upon us and granted us the only missing thing in the perfect Christmas Tree Outing.....


It was as if the Heavens opened up and blessed our most wonderful first holiday with a baby with big, thick, cottony flakes.

For hours. It snowed and snowed and snowed.

Luke was on the way home while I was getting Alex ready in his most appropriate of Christmas Tree Hunting clothes and I noticed that he is not too big a fan of the coat with faux fur trimmed hood. Oh well, it must be because it was warm in the house. I did turn on the fireplace, after all.

So we go to lunch, (see? happy at lunch....)

After lunch, we head to the grocery store to stock up on supplies (read: wine) all the while talking about if we want to use the camera, or the video camera, or both. And what type of pictures do we want to make sure and get? And did we bring money to tip the loaders of the best tree ever picked out?

We pull up to the lot and get out. I grab Alex and put on his coat, and he is not too thrilled.

It is in this exact moment, that I realize I am the dumbest, piece of crap parent ---oh, wait, not for reasons you think. Not because, clearly he is already giving me a crap-tastic smile for our first pics. Not because I am subjecting my kid to snowy-rain and he might be all swiney as a result of this---but because I can't hold him in a way that his coat looks cute (see how rumpled?), making him agitated, making him cranky and not cute for the pictures. He doesn't like the snow.....he doesn't get that he will be warm if he would just relax. I mean, I don't get to go all freaky about girl baby clothes. I can't buy dresses...he owes me this.

But, being dedicated to the family dream, we trek on. But it is all downhill from there.

Walking though the lot under the "tarp" that usually keeps the sun out, but now is acting as an irrigation system for the snow that has been falling, and now draining on our heads.

Alex is less than thrilled.

I continue to carry him though the lot and he is starting to flail and become hysterical. So Luke and I pick out a tree that was "less of picking out a tree" and more of "pointing to one tree two minutes after we got to the lot and telling Luke to wrap it up".

Not at all the happy memory of a bouncing baby in the snow I had anticipated.

So I take Alex back to the car and he is pretty much cursing the day I was born. I get him to the car but can't do anything to calm him.....why? Because it is hard to rock a baby, and soothe their sweet little backs, when your hands are basically ice. Somehow, I see that making things worse.

So, our idyllic tree getting experience was Luke getting a tree and waiting in the rain/snow as 4 random guys climbed on our roof to tie our tree down. He is so drenched that after we got it in the house, he gave me a serious stink eye when I jokingly asked him if he had just taken a shower.

We decided to get a discrete tree this year, by the way. We thought it was in poor taste to get something totally obnoxious (like last year) when our neighbors, the Shapiro's, adorn their window with a very tasteful menorah.

What do you think? We went with the discrete 12 footer. Of course, Luke thought I was stifling his Christmas Spirit, by not going bigger (that's what she said. That was for you Sarah :))

Huh, posting about Christmas does make me feel a little less like I am living on the surface of the sun.


  1. Oooooh, Jane!!!!!! You are back!!!! How I have missed you! I actually feel about 10 degrees cooler after this post.

    One day Alex will understand this was all done in the name of fashion.

  2. Oh my word, I'm dying here!!! First of all, ditto glad you're back!! And second, very smooth "that's what she said"'re the best at those! This story is just greatness. And your family is the cutest!! Rumpled coat and all.

  3. I'm with you, the heat is terrible!
    Anyway, I was just reading your comment on my last blog. I was actually thinking about going to the Children's Museum too. My plan is to go when school starts so it's not so crowded. I don't know what part of town you are in, but there's a pool called Noah's Ark (we had Alexa's party there) off the west Beltway and Richmond. We just went on Friday and she loved it. A play date sounds like fun. I'm sure Alex and Alexa would have a great time together.
    Here is my e-mail if you want to get in touch-
    Take care!

  4. This is a note/comment for Sarah. "very smooth "that's what she said"'re the best at those!" I think the key for Jane is that she never turns off her "that's what she said radar." Picture: Mam, Jane, brother tam are at church and have the urn with Dad's remains. We are getting ready to put it in the Church in-urnment shelf. Everyone is crying. We have all said our goodbyes. Mom has recited In Flanders Field. It is storming and the only sound audible above muffled sobs is the rain on the roof. The pastor looks at the 3 of us solemnly as says "Just push it in there straight and deep." And Jane says....

    At this point you may be thinking "wait a sec there brother tam. She didn't really say that. You are trying to be funny like your sister, that didn't really happen!"

    It happened. As God is my witness Jane laid down a "that's what she said as we dedicated Dad's ashes. Not before. Not after. During.

  5. Whaaaaaaa??? Tam....I do not recall that at all. Clearly you were confused in the midst of your grief. I know I was. That would be horrible though. Just horrible.

  6. I don't recall that either. I remember asking how far back it goes, and Uncle
    David said "to eternity". And janie, the Christmas tree was magnificent.

  7. I'm dying at these comments!

    "Not before. Not after. During."

    Your family is hilarious! I say just dress Alex up as a reindeer or elf or something equally embarrassing for Christmas this year to get back at him for freaking out at the Christmas tree farm. You really have to lay down the law with babies.