Monday, October 12, 2009

Check Please

So I decide that I need some new clothes. Not an easy task to tackle with Sir Screams A Lot. However, I head out to the local mall and am not taking "No" for an answer. I am in search for some jeans to hide my newly (OK, semi-newly) acquired muffin top, and the cutest tops to hide my jelly belly that would make Santa look like the newest Jenny Craig model.

Although The Baby is fed, watered and recently went out (wait, that was my dogs...I am confused), I knew I was on a time clock. Meltdown was inevitable and every second counts.

I only make it to one store....and I get my dressing room loaded, and I mean loaded, with goodies The Husband is sure to give me his best under-bite-smile when I tell him how much it all cost. This is the same "smile" he gives me when I ask him if he is mad when we get our ridiculously high electric bill because someone just has to sleep with the thermostat set to 68.

So Major Meltdown decides he has had enough of his stroller and is having nothing to do with his toys that adorn his carrier. Really, the kid is set up. The car seat is gaudier than a Mexican car lot.

Hoping to buy some time, I pick him up. I already managed to put on 2 tops with such fury, you would have thought they were actually laced with AIDS. I am still wearing one top and Baby Einstein decides that he needs to vomit allllllll over the shirt that I do not own.

Needless to say, I am the proud owner of a new semi-too-small cami that smells life barf.


  1. Loving all of the little man's nicknames! Maybe tomorrow you can be a more successful shopper. Don't lose the faith!!!

  2. Here's my solution (and probably also the #1 reason I should really think about my decision to have children): when he starts screaming, take your belongings and walk away from the stroller. Proceed with your shopping trip and glance over at the stroller (taking extra care to look SUPER annoyed that someone was so inconsiderate as to leave a screaming baby in the middle of the store). If he calms down by the time you are done trying things on, go claim him (act as if you are taking him to the lost & found).

    And if he projectiles all over a not-your-blouse, you very kindly take it off and leave it in the dressing room.

    You don't have to tell me I'm a model citizen.

  3. OMG. Sarah's response equally hilarious to your post.

  4. I'll buy it from you - if you CALL somebody!!! My chi-chi's are smaller than that of a new mom. ;)